Pregnant women, new mothers, infants...they're everywhere. It's a bittersweet and beautiful thing that leaves me in awe and in deep longing and sadness all at once.
I can't avoid pregnant ladies forever, but sometimes I wish I could...at least until I'm one of them.
I cry almost everyday for the child we don't have, or the body that won't work, or the longing to look at a little person made by us. To study his eyes, nose, mouth and chin to see who he looks like more--a Clarke? A Roddick? Both?
Each day I remind myself to cling to hope and trust in the Lord, because deep down I know His plan is real, He knows what He's doing and He's going to do something. But while I wait in my human weakness and impatience, my heart is sore and the tears continue to fall. Not because I have lost hope--I haven't--I have more hope than ever. But because I don't know what the future will hold. I don't know if I will hold my child next year, or in 10 years. I don't know if I will ever become pregnant, or be blessed with a baby through adoption. So many what-ifs, so much longing, but there is still hope. Praise the Lord, there is always Hope.
Psalm 71:14
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