A New Year

Today is New Year's Eve 2011. When I was a kid/teen this day literally caused me anxiety, excitement, anticipation and upset all at the same time. I used to believe in New Year's Resolutions, and that "this year would be different". Praise God that over the years He has removed that anxiety from my life and helped me realize that we can and should be better, do better, and live better everyday and not just resolve to do so on December 31st.

This does not mean I am even CLOSE to having it all together or that I don't need to "eat better", "lose weight", "exercise more" or "spend more time with family" as I think 90% of Canadians probably hope for each new year...I understand that these are good and honourable goals. But if I sit down on December 31st and promise myself these things, and next week after a long day of Kindergarten I just don't want to work out and I would rather eat a chocolate bar and watch TV, would that mean my resolution is vetoed? Probably not, but it still makes me feel like a failure. So I think my *main* resolution this year is not any large promise to myself, but a series of 365 little promises. I would like to try to wake up everyday with a goal or "resolution", and by the end of that day I would hope to have achieved all or part of that goal.

At the end of our Christmas visit to my family in Nova Scotia this past Wednesday, I was totally sticken with sadness. Not just the regular "I miss my parents and province" sadness, but I felt so hopeless and so angry and so discontent all at once. I was mad that I had to go back to Saskatchewan, and mad that I can't watch my neice and nephew grow and become cuter by the day, and sad that I didn't have my mom to walk with me as we face this unknown infertilitty, and frustrated that we were leaving everyone behind just for a job in Saskatchewn...a job?!  But then over the past few days, my ever-patient, ever-loving Lord spoke truth into my life and reminded me that my life is not for me, it is for Him. He gave me this life and He can take it away. I am 99% sure that Devin is supposed to be in the RCMP and I am supposed to be in this Kindergarten job for now, and we are supposed to be in this friendly, lovely little community in Gravelbourg. The hopeless discontent has lifted, and feelings of  joy and peace has taken over.

I don't feel the need to make an official resolution for 2012, but I do have goals and hopes. I most definitely want to draw nearer to God and resist the Devil and flee from the temptation to be discontent and unhappy with my most blessed and wonderful life.

Some of my hopes for 2012:
1. I hope to become a mother, whether through natural birth or adoption.
2. I hope to receive even more peace from God about everything: infertility, marriage, where we live, jobs, money etc.
3. I hope to be healthier by the end of the year. I would truly like to do more vigorous excercise and learn how to make new and healthier recipes, and get enough sleep, and lose some weight.
4. I hope to improve my "friendship skills" by being more hospitable and being the first to call or write, rather than wait for others to do so.
5. I hope to find joy in teaching Kindergarten, and that joy will overflow into the effort I put into my job.

There are more, but I think I'll leave it at this. I plan to wake up each morning this year and ask God to reveal Himself and His plan for me that day, and surrender it all to Him.

If you're reading this, I wish you a happy and blessed year to come. I pray that you find yourself in a closer relationship with God at the end of this year, and if you don't know Him yet, that you will find the joy and peace that comes with knowing and serving Him. A relationship with God is a priceless gift that makes life worth living.

God Bless you and Happy 2012.

Holly