Sadness

This sadness is like a huge storm cloud, it moves in when it pleases, rains on me for awhile, and then moves away until another day. My heart is so sore lately.

I don't think I have ever struggled with anything this much before. Where I have to pray many times a day just to breathe and move and function. Smiling through the pregnancy and birth announcements of friends, family and aquaintances. Faking enthusiasm for my Kindergarten class when I just want to be in bed. It's not that I am constantly miserable. I am reasonably happy and of course I know my situation could be much worse and is not without hope, but there are days when my mind won't tell my heart that, and I just cry. Yesterday I cried because I couldn't find any coloured pencils or crayons...I was SO upset. Of course I wasn't crying over lost crayons...but still...seriously.

My sensitivity to EVERYTHING is over the top lately. Loud noises, multiple conversations or noises at once, lost things, dropping things, songs, commercials, insensitive comments, pregnancies, the dog, cooking supper...I need to get a grip!

Tonight is a good night of coffee, pj's, a sleeping dog and YouTube. Ahhhh...