Last week as I was driving to school, my heart was bursting with love for Him and I could feel His Holy Spirit completely indwelling in me, and for the first time I actually said thank you to God for allowing this waiting period and struggle in our lives. If we were able to get pregnant immediately, that would have been just one more "easy" thing to add to the list of my wonderful life. I needed a struggle, a "NO", or a "wait" to really see my need for God. I couldn't fathom thanking God for pain and hardship before, but now I see it, I really see it! If everything comes blissfully easy to me, my ability to see my utter and desperate need for God would be SO hard to see.
I realize now that I need Him all the time, every single living moment, I need Him. This experience with infertility and not having my strongest desire met in my time has been a beautiful struggle. I'm not yet on the "other side" of this hard time. But God has graciously already revealed 2 things to me through this:
1- I needed to wait, listen and cling to Him. I needed a struggle to realize my desperate need for Him.
2- I needed to have this waiting period so as not to miss His calling for us to at least begin the adoption process, and see where He leads us.
Thank You, Lord for this beautiful struggle.
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