.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

My mother-in-law

I would think that most blogs entitled "My mother-in-law" would have many people thinking thoughts of intrusive, nagging, not-so-pleasant mother-in-laws that sometimes make life difficult for their daughter-in-laws. Let me just say the woman I'm so blessed to call my mom-in-law is absolutely NOTHING like that.

Jocelyn is a dear, thoughtful, gentle, patient, ROCK of a woman. She raised the best (most handsome) man I've ever met and she loves me like her own. She cares, with deep selflessness, for her husband, daughter and 2 grandchildren, and for Devin and I from afar. She has offered prayers and words of encouragement through our struggle with infertility, and respectfully and gently asks questions and gives a bit of advice.

Tonight, she called me to tell me that she has been reading and enjoying my blog, and encouraged me to continue writing. She just has a way of pointing out the little details, talents or qualities of people,  that others may overlook.

Jocelyn, if you`re reading this, just know how great you are, and how much I appreciate you. You are loved!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Joy Overflows

What a day. There is nothing overly extraordinary about today, but BOY am I joyful. This morning at church, during announcements and prayer requests, I could just feel His presence there. I announced about my thyroid issues and how hopeful I was that when it is fixed, we just may conceive. Then Jenn announced the amazing miracle of Brielle's healed heart valve. In less than 3 months God touched that little girls heart and healed her. We are all so thankful. Then Tim announced about his baby neice, Genova, who suffered a stroke in utero, but who is doing so well, and appears quite healthy. So many miracles, so many signs of His presence, His answers. Although I always have, and always will believe in God, it is just so much easier to believe when I really see Him moving in answered prayers and miracles. I need to keep my eyes open because I'm sure I miss a lot of answers and signs. My heart is overflowing with joy and thanksgiving to my precious Lord.

This song below, "Your Name" by Phillips, Craig and Dean really speaks the words of my heart today. Have a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC67SglaZo

Saturday, August 18, 2012

The Simple Life

I sometimes forget how good simplicity feels. When I was a kid I loved such simple things like walking in the woods, climbing a tree or going for a swim in the river down the road. I think I have longed for that ever since childhood and I look for it wherever I can. I find simplicity when I read a book outside on a blanket, when I take the dog for a walk, when I sit by the ocean, when I photograph a sunset, or when Devin and I go camping in a simple tent and eat simple meals and simply read, swim, or sit by the fire.

 Last weekend we went to Lake Deifenbaker and dwelled in simplicity. During the day we slept late (for tenting anyway), made bacon and egg breakfasts on our camping stove and read our books by the morning fire. Then we'd pack up our books, lawn chairs, pool noodles, towels and camera and walk the short hike to the beach where we would hang out for hours. We read by the water until we were hot, then swam out deep with our pool noodles and waded in the wavey water. There is such beauty in that simplicity. In the evening we'd make hot dogs or a grilled cheese sandwich on the stove and Devin would make a roaring fire, and we would chat about spiritual, future, or "just life" things. We'd read our books some more, and when the fire started to settle down, I would roast a few marshmallows.  Aside from the intense thunderstorms that kept us awake at night, I felt like I could have stayed there a month. I enjoyed the simplicity and majesty (all at once) of nature, of just being with my husband, of no electricity or electronics, of enjoying a good book with no distractions. I love the simple life!











Sunday, August 12, 2012

Faith *during* the trials, not just after

This morning at our church service, our friend, Jeff, led a great discussion on patience and waiting and posed a question about whether or not your faith is strengthened during waiting periods. Someone answered by saying they believed your faith isn't really strengthened until you see the result of what you were waiting for. I immediately disagreed (in my head!). We have been trying to conceive for 2 years and at about the 6-12 month mark of trying I may have agreed at that time that I would not have increased or strengthened faith in God until *after* I finally got pregnant. But I was SO wrong. Through tears and prayer and digging in the Word I have come MILES from where I began by God's amazing grace and comfort. I went from grumbling to gratitude for my infertility because I would not know my God the way I know Him, or love Him the same if I hadn't endured a trialsome 2 years. (I used to think Paul was a little crazy for such gratitude even when he went through so much...now I sort of understand!)

Infertility has (in various degrees and stages) made me feel like less of a woman, made me feel as if I did something wrong or something to deserve it, made me feel bitter, angry, hurt, resentful, jealous, depressed, irritable, unfaithful, undeserving...but I am now at a point of saying "thank you Lord" for this trying time. It does not mean I don't cry at negative pregnancy tests or when another friend announces her pregnancy. It also does not mean I don't have days when I say "Lord, when is it our turn? What are you up to? Why not now?" But the way my faith has grown, and the feeling of complete assurance that God is up to something and not leaving me in the dust makes all the difference. Before I used to say "it's all in His timing", but my heart didn't believe in His timing. Now, it does. I do believe His timing, and I have gained a lot more patience knowing that He is going to bless us with children. I'm not sure how I know this exactly, but I know. It's just a matter of time...His time.

So, no, we haven't met the end of our trial. Our patience is still being tested, but my faith has, and continues to, grow and blossom while I wait upon the Lord. I can only imagine the overflow of gratitude, joy and increased faith that will come when we finally meet our child(ren).

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Is Anything too Hard for the Lord?

Woke up this morning, thinking "3 days late, might as well test". I go some months without testing at all, but sometimes I feel different, and since I'm going camping all weekend, there's no time like the present.  As per usual, this (below) is what I see. (FYI. this is from Google)


This is probably the 30th + time I have seen this answer in the last 2 years, but sometimes I remember to keep my focus fully on God, and I remember to pray before I test for Him to guard my heart no matter what the test result is. He listened, and He did guard my heart. I did not feel my heart breaking in my chest, I did not break down and cry. I actually whispered a prayer of thanks for the chance to trust Him and His plan once again. I went and picked up a daily devotional right after, hoping for a bit of inspiration I suppose. Out of 365 pages I opened up to one called "God's Promises".

(From "The One Year Mini" daily devotional. "page" November 3rd)

God's promises seem too impossible for me, how could they ever come true in my life?
God's Response
Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief. "How could I become a father at the age of one hundred?" he wondered. "Besides, Sarah is ninety; how could she have a baby?" . . . "Is anything too hard for the Lord? About a year from now, just as I told you, I will return, and Sarah will have a son". . . Then the Lord did exactly what he had promised [emphasis mine]. Sarah became pregnant, and she gave a son to Abraham in his old age. It all happened at the time God had said it would. Genesis 17:17; 18:14; 21:1-2

The devotional went on to say how we are to live faithfully, and God will worry about how He will fulfill His promises to us, it's not our job to worry. It also says that He will lead us to unexpected and incredible places.  I don't believe in coincidences, I believe God places things like this devotional, or people, or Scriptures, or even the beauty of nature in our path to encourage us and remind us "I'm right here, I haven't left you".  Lord, THANK YOU.

On a different, but not unrelated note, I got a call from my fertility specialist Dr. a couple of days ago, and told me I have a low functioning or underactive thyroid, Hmm! So interesting.The reason why it's interesting is because at my last appointment when he told me I had to go for more bloodwork to check a few hormones, I, out of the blue, asked him to check my thyroid one more time. So he did, and sure enough, it's not working properly. I knew that an overactive or underactive thyroid can be a reason for many problems, one being infertility. After doing further reading online, I'm now seeing it's very closely connected and throws off hormones. Of course, after speaking to my Doctor, thoughts race through my mind. "Is this IT? Is this the reason I can't get pregnant?" "Did I ask the Doctor about my thyroid because God is showing me an answer?" "Is THIS the answer?"

I will be seeing my family Doctor soon and she is going to prescribe medication for my thyroid. My heart is full of hope that when my thyroid function is corrected, we may conceive. While hypothyroidism may be bad news for some people, I am grateful to have a hint at a possible reason for why we're not getting pregnant.

Older Posts