Words

The power of words often amazes me. A hurtful word can cut and bruise and scar for days, weeks, or even years. A kind word from a genuine person can uplift, encourage and nourish for days, weeks or even years. Through all of this infertility business, I've had words hurt me, discourage me and embarrass me, but I've had significantly more words encourage me and give me an bit of hope to keep going with my head held high.

The past few weeks my heart has been heavy. I've heard about not 1, not 2, but 3 pregnancy announcements from people close to me...and like I told Devin today at lunch, "I just can't be happy for them anymore". I don't mean that I don't want their pregnancies to be, I do. I also don't mean I'm upset with that person, I'm not. What I mean is; the pain I feel in my own wait is clouding my vision, and if am being completely honest, the first feeling I feel when I hear of a new pregnancy is not happy. However, in saying that,  I believe pregnancy and new life is the most amazing miracle, and a true gift from God. I might not feel giggly-screeching-jump in the air-happy, but I am aware that a beautiful miracle has taken place, and that brings me joy for them. I pray frequently for Him to remove any bitterness or jealousy I'm tempted to feel, and He does. He is always faithful.

Through all of this, though, I have had the most amazing, strong women come alongside of me and pray for me and ask me daily how I'm feeling...and some of their words just stick. A friend  who could not have children at all, a dear friend who lost children to miscarriage, a sister in Christ who I have SO much in common with, but have not yet met, who waited for her daughter for a long time: These are the people whose words and prayers have literally carried me along through this trying time. Those who have "been there, done that" and are still standing. Their words mean so much to me.

Below, is part of a message sent to me by one of those dear women who just "gets it" and gets me, and her words have been replaying in my mind since I first read them a couple of days ago. They are words I have heard before, but they were spoken by someone who knows my situation, knows what it feels like, and really cares:

"You are seriously in my prayers every single day. I'm not going to say the things everyone says, like, "All in God's timing", because just because you trust God's timing, doesn't make the waiting any less painful. I will say this: once you have that little bundle in your arms, be it through IVF, or naturally, or adoption, or whatever...you'll know why you had to wait. And the memory of the waiting will grow less painful."

For whatever reason, I needed to hear those words, and I needed to feel that validation of my feelings.

I am so thankful for words. The ones that change, edify and give hope.