"ARGH!!!!!!!!!!"
This is how Devin and I have been feeling about television and movies lately. Complete and utter frustration. I feel silly even bringing it up sometimes because it's such a "first world problem". But the reality is, it is our reality. We don't have to watch anything, EVER, if we don't want to, but we do want to. Life is slow in Gravelbourg, and sometimes it's nice to sit down and watch something on Netflix or television and just do a little nothing for awhile. The issue here is we can find very little lately that is not making us cover our eyes or squirm with discomfort. The nudity, the sexual innuendos, the cursing, the accepted immorality, the crude talk, the sex scenes...and on and on it goes. Even advertisements in the middle of the day are showing far more than I'm comfortable looking at.
I'm a big girl, I can turn off the TV when this happens (and I do), but it is happening more and more and it is starting to really get under my skin. Maybe it's pregnancy hormones, maybe it's personal convictions, maybe I'm starting to think about our precious baby coming into this messed up world. I feel the need to run and hide from this ridiculous world sometimes. I feel helpless to change it. I will just continue to turn off the screens, and pray:
Lord, have mercy on us. Protect our eyes, and guard our hearts. Give us discernment and self-control to turn away from the filth, and cleanse our minds of what we have already let in. Forgive us for the times we have thought these types of shows and movies were acceptable to watch, and protect us every time we turn on the television. Help us to honour You in all that we see and listen to.
Amen
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
How to stay in love
1. Choose love.
2. Love selflessly. It's not only about you.
3. Choose love.
4. Treat him as you want him to treat you.
5. Choose love.
6. Affirm him with kind and uplifting words.
7. Choose love.
8. Find/make alone time with him.
9. Choose love.
10. Spend time doing something together that you both enjoy.
11. Choose love.
12. Talk, communicate, explain yourself...he cannot read your mind.
13. Choose love.
14. Have the same patience with him that you would have with a friend or co-worker.
15. Choose love.
16. Pray for him and your marriage everyday.
17. Choose love.
18. Forgive quickly, and quickly ask for forgiveness.
19. Choose love.
20. Don't look around, don't look at pictures, don't look at movie stars, don't look at your neighbour-Look at HIM and love what you see.
21. Choose love.
22. Say Thank You.
23. Choose love.
24. Laugh together, laugh at his jokes, laugh at yourself.
25. Choose love.
26. Choose him over work, hobbies, house cleaning, friends and family.
27. Choose love.
28. Do random acts of kindness for him. Surprise him.
29. Choose love.
30. Read the Bible together.
31. Choose love.
32. Pray together.
33. Choose love.
34. Count his amazing qualities and all of the reasons you are thankful for him.
35. Choose love.
36. Remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place.
37. Choose love.
38. Be honest and trustworthy.
39. Choose love.
40. Always defend him, support him and show him respect.
And when all else fails...Choose love. It must be a choice. Not "like", or infatuation, or passion, or romance. But lifelong, unconditional, selfless, difficult, forever love.
Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.
Song of Solomon 8:6
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...
Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
A letter to myself
Dear Holly
About 5 months ago you were preparing yourself for a trip to Cuba. Worrying about new bathing suits, flip flops and SPF. You were hoping this trip would help ease the difficulty of that incredibly long, hard Saskatchewan winter, and give a nice distraction from your longing for a baby. Off you went with your beloved Devin to the beaches of Cuba where you snorkeled and swam and ate weird food. You were very tired, and not feeling all that great, and a tad bit emotional. You were a bit surprised that Cuba maybe wasn't as great as you thought it would be. You even marched stubbornly out of one of the evening shows put on by your resort because you were appalled at the lack of clothing the dancers were wearing, and wondering how in the world was this type of show acceptable for children?! You may have been a tad bit irrational that evening. You were ready to go back to winter after 7 days of sun and sand. Although you weren't totally consumed by it, you (as always) were thinking of your cycles and temperatures and charts. You were anxiously awaiting the moment where you could test to see if "this is the month", just in case. Though you were anxious, you were unfortunately not all that hopeful. You had "been there, done that" month after month; but it didn't stop you from wanting to test once more.
So you arrive back in Canada. Tanned, burnt, and exhausted. But before leaving Saskatoon, Devin stops at Wal-Mart so you can buy a 2-pack pregnancy test. Cuban resorts didn't think that was a priority item to sell in their gift shops! You get home incredibly late and go straight to bed. The next morning you wake early, and you don't want to waste an "opportunity" so you tested. I'm still not sure what you did, but the test didn't work. No positive or negative showed up. How disappointing! You head back to bed for a few hours and then when you wake again you hold your bladder as long as possible until Devin awoke. Sometime around 10:30 or 11 am, Devin was awake, and you had to go now, so you tested again...and this time, there were lines. The test worked this time, but wait, it had TWO lines. That meant positive. That meant a baby. That meant a miracle! Let the celebrations begin!
Holly, the reason I'm writing this letter to you, is to gently remind you that a miracle has happened, and is still happening inside of your womb every single day as your darling little one is growing. I want to remind you that there was a time when you had to plead and pray and claw at hope from day to day because the wait was becoming long and worrisome. I want to also remind you of the faith it took to believe that God does love you SO much, even though He didn't give you that baby the moment you desired to be a mother. I want to remind you of how painful and vulnerable infertility is, and to remind you of the women and couples that are still facing this challenge. Who have not seen the end of their wait yet. Please continue to be sensitive to those who physically hurt every time a friend or family member announces they are expecting...even when they want to be happy for them. I want to remind you of the trust it took to believe that God had a great plan for your future, even when you couldn't see it, and that same trust will be necessary in so many other circumstances in the future...so hold onto it!
I want to remind you that the "dry season" you have just gotten through in your life will not be the last one, and you need to hold on to the lessons you learned during that time, and thank God for opening your eyes.
About 5 months ago you were preparing yourself for a trip to Cuba. Worrying about new bathing suits, flip flops and SPF. You were hoping this trip would help ease the difficulty of that incredibly long, hard Saskatchewan winter, and give a nice distraction from your longing for a baby. Off you went with your beloved Devin to the beaches of Cuba where you snorkeled and swam and ate weird food. You were very tired, and not feeling all that great, and a tad bit emotional. You were a bit surprised that Cuba maybe wasn't as great as you thought it would be. You even marched stubbornly out of one of the evening shows put on by your resort because you were appalled at the lack of clothing the dancers were wearing, and wondering how in the world was this type of show acceptable for children?! You may have been a tad bit irrational that evening. You were ready to go back to winter after 7 days of sun and sand. Although you weren't totally consumed by it, you (as always) were thinking of your cycles and temperatures and charts. You were anxiously awaiting the moment where you could test to see if "this is the month", just in case. Though you were anxious, you were unfortunately not all that hopeful. You had "been there, done that" month after month; but it didn't stop you from wanting to test once more.
So you arrive back in Canada. Tanned, burnt, and exhausted. But before leaving Saskatoon, Devin stops at Wal-Mart so you can buy a 2-pack pregnancy test. Cuban resorts didn't think that was a priority item to sell in their gift shops! You get home incredibly late and go straight to bed. The next morning you wake early, and you don't want to waste an "opportunity" so you tested. I'm still not sure what you did, but the test didn't work. No positive or negative showed up. How disappointing! You head back to bed for a few hours and then when you wake again you hold your bladder as long as possible until Devin awoke. Sometime around 10:30 or 11 am, Devin was awake, and you had to go now, so you tested again...and this time, there were lines. The test worked this time, but wait, it had TWO lines. That meant positive. That meant a baby. That meant a miracle! Let the celebrations begin!
Holly, the reason I'm writing this letter to you, is to gently remind you that a miracle has happened, and is still happening inside of your womb every single day as your darling little one is growing. I want to remind you that there was a time when you had to plead and pray and claw at hope from day to day because the wait was becoming long and worrisome. I want to also remind you of the faith it took to believe that God does love you SO much, even though He didn't give you that baby the moment you desired to be a mother. I want to remind you of how painful and vulnerable infertility is, and to remind you of the women and couples that are still facing this challenge. Who have not seen the end of their wait yet. Please continue to be sensitive to those who physically hurt every time a friend or family member announces they are expecting...even when they want to be happy for them. I want to remind you of the trust it took to believe that God had a great plan for your future, even when you couldn't see it, and that same trust will be necessary in so many other circumstances in the future...so hold onto it!
I want to remind you that the "dry season" you have just gotten through in your life will not be the last one, and you need to hold on to the lessons you learned during that time, and thank God for opening your eyes.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Homesick
I have been living in Saskatchewan for just over 4 years. I recently found a journal of my first summer here. I was newly married, newly graduated from the University of Ottawa, and more miserable than I would care to admit. I was (and obviously still am) head over heels in love with my amazing new husband, and so happy to be with him after almost a year apart while I was in Ottawa and he was in RCMP training in Regina. But, silly, nagging homesickness got in my way. I was a coast loving, salty air breathing, Maritimer at heart, and being told by the RCMP we were now going to be residents of Saskatchewan for who knows how long made me literally feel like a fish out of water. Instead of lakes and beaches, we were surrounded by a "sea" of wheat and canola; instead of singing alongside of my guitar-playing husband at church most Sunday mornings, we were attending a quieter non-instrumental church service; instead of spending holidays and special events with family, it was now just the 2 of us.(Thankfully we made fast friends who took us in as their own family! But I'm talking more about the first summer here when we were brand new). I was making many efforts to "suck it up" and become accustomed to this new life. We have made beautiful friendships that have forever changed my view of what a loving friendship should be. We were invited into family gatherings, Christmas celebrations, Thanksgiving dinners, and just felt totally welcomed by our new friends and church family. And it did make such a difference. The homesick, lonely days came a little farther apart, and I could accept that Gravelbourg really was my home now, even if I was still a bit hesitant about it.
So here I am 4 years later, still missing that East coast. Today I was in tears within the first 10 minutes of waking. I was overwhelmed at the thought of another long day of wandering around the house finding odd jobs to keep my mind busy, or walking the dog a couple of times to pass some time. I'm frustrated that after 4 years I still can't find contentment with my surroundings. I hate being that person who thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (or in my case, country), but the reality is I often find myself dreaming of living in Prince Edward Island, or Nova Scotia (of course), and I let myself believe I would feel more at home there. The good girl in me feels immense guilt for my discontentment, and I automatically shame myself for not being grateful for what I do have. It's really a vicious cycle. I feel sad because I feel homesick, but then I feel sad because I'm guilty for being discontent, and then I feel frustrated because I don't know how to fix my discontentment. Oh yeah, and I'm pregnant, and I'm sure those hormones are really helping me along!
So, this evening, the pup and I went out for a little sunset drive, and as I was driving home, my mind was finally relaxing a bit, and I started thinking of the "little" things that happened today that made it good:
1) My sweet man let me cry on his shoulder, and told me "it's OK" to be sad, and to cry. I didn't say a word to him as to why I was crying, but he took my hand and brought me to the calendar to count down the days to when I'd be visiting Nova Scotia in August.
2) A dear friend stopped by with 2 adorable little gifts for baby Roddick that just melted my heart. Her thoughtfulness really touched me.
3) We had delicious homemade pizza for supper, and Devin helped me prepare it.
4) We went for a lovely sunny walk this afternoon, and the air wasn't too hot or humid, it was quite nice.
5) My pup and I went for a little drive this evening and watched an amazing sunset and admired the yellow canola fields. It was beautiful.
So, maybe I'm having another homesick day, and maybe tomorrow will be too, but I'm just so thankful that there are so many good things, people and blessings I can count every day to remind me that the grass is green on both sides of the fence.
So here I am 4 years later, still missing that East coast. Today I was in tears within the first 10 minutes of waking. I was overwhelmed at the thought of another long day of wandering around the house finding odd jobs to keep my mind busy, or walking the dog a couple of times to pass some time. I'm frustrated that after 4 years I still can't find contentment with my surroundings. I hate being that person who thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (or in my case, country), but the reality is I often find myself dreaming of living in Prince Edward Island, or Nova Scotia (of course), and I let myself believe I would feel more at home there. The good girl in me feels immense guilt for my discontentment, and I automatically shame myself for not being grateful for what I do have. It's really a vicious cycle. I feel sad because I feel homesick, but then I feel sad because I'm guilty for being discontent, and then I feel frustrated because I don't know how to fix my discontentment. Oh yeah, and I'm pregnant, and I'm sure those hormones are really helping me along!
So, this evening, the pup and I went out for a little sunset drive, and as I was driving home, my mind was finally relaxing a bit, and I started thinking of the "little" things that happened today that made it good:
1) My sweet man let me cry on his shoulder, and told me "it's OK" to be sad, and to cry. I didn't say a word to him as to why I was crying, but he took my hand and brought me to the calendar to count down the days to when I'd be visiting Nova Scotia in August.
2) A dear friend stopped by with 2 adorable little gifts for baby Roddick that just melted my heart. Her thoughtfulness really touched me.
3) We had delicious homemade pizza for supper, and Devin helped me prepare it.
4) We went for a lovely sunny walk this afternoon, and the air wasn't too hot or humid, it was quite nice.
5) My pup and I went for a little drive this evening and watched an amazing sunset and admired the yellow canola fields. It was beautiful.
So, maybe I'm having another homesick day, and maybe tomorrow will be too, but I'm just so thankful that there are so many good things, people and blessings I can count every day to remind me that the grass is green on both sides of the fence.
Monday, June 3, 2013
How do you say thank you?
Over the past couple of years, there were times when I was so low and feeling so hopeless about our infertility, it was all kind of a blur. I could wake up one day and just be so miserable, I didn't know how to shake it. During those years I most definitely leaned on God, and there were times when He'd help me snap out of it and hold onto hope. But God also sent us many angels who helped us carry the burden, and made life so much better for us.
The first year we waited for a baby, it was hard, but not hopeless, and we kept it to ourselves as we didn't see it as a big problem yet. But as 12 months approached I was starting to really worry, and holding it in, and trying to deal with it alone, just was not working for me. As the doctors crawled through tests and appointments, I just about burst at the seams and finally broke down (after an embarrassing exit from church one morning) to my dear friend, Jenn. I bawled in the church parking lot while telling her we'd been waiting a year, and didn't know why. After that I started more openly telling people we were struggling. Yes, it's a personal issue, but I believe in the power of prayer and support of dear friends, and I haven't regretted sharing it.
Jenn, and countless other women and men came alongside of us and lifted us up in prayer, hugs, letters, e mails, kind words, advice, and the list goes on. It was shocking to me the number of couples I know who have struggled with infertility in some way or another. There were women who had "been there, done that" who were so encouraging to me. When I thought our friends were probably tired of hearing about it, another person would remind us how much they cared and that they were still praying. That kind of compassion just overflows your heart with warmth and love.
I don't know how to possibly thank the people who invested 2 years into our lives, who carried our burden with us, and rejoiced with delight and tears when we announced we were pregnant. These friends have treated us like family. I had never felt God's love poured out through His people in such a real and tangible way.
I am so thankful.
The first year we waited for a baby, it was hard, but not hopeless, and we kept it to ourselves as we didn't see it as a big problem yet. But as 12 months approached I was starting to really worry, and holding it in, and trying to deal with it alone, just was not working for me. As the doctors crawled through tests and appointments, I just about burst at the seams and finally broke down (after an embarrassing exit from church one morning) to my dear friend, Jenn. I bawled in the church parking lot while telling her we'd been waiting a year, and didn't know why. After that I started more openly telling people we were struggling. Yes, it's a personal issue, but I believe in the power of prayer and support of dear friends, and I haven't regretted sharing it.
Jenn, and countless other women and men came alongside of us and lifted us up in prayer, hugs, letters, e mails, kind words, advice, and the list goes on. It was shocking to me the number of couples I know who have struggled with infertility in some way or another. There were women who had "been there, done that" who were so encouraging to me. When I thought our friends were probably tired of hearing about it, another person would remind us how much they cared and that they were still praying. That kind of compassion just overflows your heart with warmth and love.
I don't know how to possibly thank the people who invested 2 years into our lives, who carried our burden with us, and rejoiced with delight and tears when we announced we were pregnant. These friends have treated us like family. I had never felt God's love poured out through His people in such a real and tangible way.
I am so thankful.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
The Best Day
March 27th was another cold, wintery day. I woke up early with a nice dark tan and tons of laundry that needed to be done. We just got home from Cuba the night before. My friend Samantha texted me early in the morning to tell me her water broke and she was going to the hospital, and I made the mistake of looking at my phone when I got up for the washroom, and then I was too excited for her to get back to sleep.
Silly me, in all my sleepiness, I forgot to do something that I was waiting a whole week in Cuba to do...find out if I was pregnant of course! In the past 2 and a half years I've probably "tested" a good 20-30 times. Some months I didn`t even bother, and some months I was certain I was pregnant, only to be disappointed. So, I forgot. Didn't think much of it, but still wanted to test later that day since there were a few indicators that I might possibly be pregnant. One being that I felt quite nauseated all week in Cuba...which I blamed on the yucky food. And Two, the fact that I was exhausted and napped everyday in Cuba...which I blamed on the sun and heat.
So I did my best to "hold it" the rest of the morning and at 11 am when my hubby finally arose from his exhausted post-travel sleep, I tested. Within seconds I was seeing 2 faint lines, and I RAN into our bedroom and just stared at Devin and said "Oh, Devin" with my hands on my head, wide eyed. Then without another word I ran back to the bathroom and saw 2 very clear lines. After 2.5 years you don't believe your own eyes, so I ran to the bedroom, stick in hand, saying something unintelligible and asking Devin "do you see it too?!" He must have said yes, and I repetitively said "Oh my goodness", or something like that, over and over as I tackled him in a hug and bawled like a baby. He had a permanent smile on his face, and after I calmed myself a bit, he said "so what do we do now?" lol He would say something like that.
After we came down from cloud 9 we prayed with thanksgiving and gratitude for this amazing gift. And we begged God to let this baby be healthy and strong. Many times over the next few weeks I would just burst into tears of awe and thanksgiving that our wait was over and we were blessed with our baby.
How do you say thank you for a new life? Your heart's greatest desire? The child that will make you a mother and father? I still haven't figured it out yet, but I'm just praising Him every day for allowing us the opportunity to be parents and raise one of His children.
So, I'm 13.5 weeks and we are due November 25th. I can hardly wait.
1 Samuel 1:27
For this child I have prayed, and the LORD has granted the desires of my heart.
Silly me, in all my sleepiness, I forgot to do something that I was waiting a whole week in Cuba to do...find out if I was pregnant of course! In the past 2 and a half years I've probably "tested" a good 20-30 times. Some months I didn`t even bother, and some months I was certain I was pregnant, only to be disappointed. So, I forgot. Didn't think much of it, but still wanted to test later that day since there were a few indicators that I might possibly be pregnant. One being that I felt quite nauseated all week in Cuba...which I blamed on the yucky food. And Two, the fact that I was exhausted and napped everyday in Cuba...which I blamed on the sun and heat.
So I did my best to "hold it" the rest of the morning and at 11 am when my hubby finally arose from his exhausted post-travel sleep, I tested. Within seconds I was seeing 2 faint lines, and I RAN into our bedroom and just stared at Devin and said "Oh, Devin" with my hands on my head, wide eyed. Then without another word I ran back to the bathroom and saw 2 very clear lines. After 2.5 years you don't believe your own eyes, so I ran to the bedroom, stick in hand, saying something unintelligible and asking Devin "do you see it too?!" He must have said yes, and I repetitively said "Oh my goodness", or something like that, over and over as I tackled him in a hug and bawled like a baby. He had a permanent smile on his face, and after I calmed myself a bit, he said "so what do we do now?" lol He would say something like that.
After we came down from cloud 9 we prayed with thanksgiving and gratitude for this amazing gift. And we begged God to let this baby be healthy and strong. Many times over the next few weeks I would just burst into tears of awe and thanksgiving that our wait was over and we were blessed with our baby.
How do you say thank you for a new life? Your heart's greatest desire? The child that will make you a mother and father? I still haven't figured it out yet, but I'm just praising Him every day for allowing us the opportunity to be parents and raise one of His children.
So, I'm 13.5 weeks and we are due November 25th. I can hardly wait.
1 Samuel 1:27
For this child I have prayed, and the LORD has granted the desires of my heart.
It's POSITIVE!
We never (totally) lost hope. We bought this months ago.
First time seeing our precious baby. Oh that beautiful heartbeat melted me.
My best friend and I celebrating the BEST day
The final "announcement"
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
How we're doing Valentine's Day
Devin and I aren't really tradition people, unless you call eating most of our meals on TV trays while watching "The Office" for the millionth time a tradition. It used to bother me that we didn't do the same thing twice, be it a birthday celebration, Easter, or even Christmas...but now I sort of like it. It mixes it up a bit, and you never know what to expect.
Valentine's Day can be heavily focused on what men can do for their women...but it's supposed to be about love, and love is mutual, so I'm often stumped about what to give or do for my sweet but manly hubby. This year, the gifts were kept to a minimum, I bought a few things I thought he would like, but when I really thought of what my man enjoys, a lightbulb turned on--food. He looooves food. So what better way to show him I love him than to make him some of his favourites?
Tonight I spent a bit of time in the kitchen making french vanilla cake with buttercream frosting, and macaroni salad (his absolute favourite food) to accompany his cheeseburgers I'll make him for supper tomorrow night. Yum!
Devin's so good at doting on me on special days. He bought me 3 and decided to give one to me each day until V-day. Yesterday he gave me a Kutless CD, tonight he gave me a beautiful red journal with bible verses on each page...totally sweet, lovely gifts. He knows how to love me with sweet gifts that he knows would be special to me, and I hope he feels loved when he fills his belly with food I made with his enjoyment in mind.
I am so blessed to spend my life with this man God has given me. We genuinely enjoy each other's company, we are best friends. He always hugs me when I'm in the kitchen making him food. He makes me laugh about 50+ times a day. I love how he rubs his knees when he's telling a story, or how he never gets warm unless we're in the car driving somewhere...then he's boiling hot. I love the way his voice sounds when he reads aloud from the Bible. I love that he pops home about 10 times a day with a hello and a hug. I love that he thinks of me first, loves me most, and tells me daily.
I love him.
Valentine's Day can be heavily focused on what men can do for their women...but it's supposed to be about love, and love is mutual, so I'm often stumped about what to give or do for my sweet but manly hubby. This year, the gifts were kept to a minimum, I bought a few things I thought he would like, but when I really thought of what my man enjoys, a lightbulb turned on--food. He looooves food. So what better way to show him I love him than to make him some of his favourites?
Tonight I spent a bit of time in the kitchen making french vanilla cake with buttercream frosting, and macaroni salad (his absolute favourite food) to accompany his cheeseburgers I'll make him for supper tomorrow night. Yum!
Devin's so good at doting on me on special days. He bought me 3 and decided to give one to me each day until V-day. Yesterday he gave me a Kutless CD, tonight he gave me a beautiful red journal with bible verses on each page...totally sweet, lovely gifts. He knows how to love me with sweet gifts that he knows would be special to me, and I hope he feels loved when he fills his belly with food I made with his enjoyment in mind.
I am so blessed to spend my life with this man God has given me. We genuinely enjoy each other's company, we are best friends. He always hugs me when I'm in the kitchen making him food. He makes me laugh about 50+ times a day. I love how he rubs his knees when he's telling a story, or how he never gets warm unless we're in the car driving somewhere...then he's boiling hot. I love the way his voice sounds when he reads aloud from the Bible. I love that he pops home about 10 times a day with a hello and a hug. I love that he thinks of me first, loves me most, and tells me daily.
I love him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)